Multistupid car lark

It seemed like just another ordinary day when Neil Micklethwaite, head of DLA’s contentious group, pulled up at the office. But that wasn’t to last for long. After hopping out of his prize BMW convertible to call the car lift, he turned back to see the car slowly inching forward towards the door. Despite engaging the handbrake, he had left the car in gear. Moving faster than ever before, Micklethwaite jumped back in his car in a bid to jam on the brake. But rather than lurching to a stop, the car leapt forward and straight on through the car lift doors.

An eyewitness claimed the last thing to be heard was a cry of “Oh s**t, that’s the acceleratoooor…” as the car plunged two levels to the car park below. And then all hell broke loose. The emergency services were called and spent the next couple of hours trying to get the partner and the remains of his car back out. Clients unable to get their vehicles out of the car park were told by management: “We’re terribly sorry, but some goon’s just crashed his car through the lift shaft.”

Nigel Knowles breathed a huge sigh of relief when it was confirmed that Micklethwaite’s car insurance would pay for the thousands of pounds worth of damage that had been inflicted on the building. And Micklethwaite? Amazingly, he sustained just a few minor injuries. As one assistant so astutely noted: “Fortunately, he landed on his ego.” Micklethwaite was unavailable for comment. Tulkinghorn understands he was perusing the latest 7 Series at his local car showroom.