Lubricating the joints

Tulkinghorn is no stranger to exercise, in fact it was only seven years ago that he went on a long bracing walk. That stroll might have been brought about by the reluctance of any hackney cab to take Tulkinghorn back from the annual partners lunch, but nevertheless he feels able to empathise with the hearty types at Tods Murray who have signed up to do a 54-mile hike called the Caladonian Challenge.

Tods Murray boasts that last year the team finished only four hours behind the winner in 16 hours and 18 minutes. So far so very laudable. What is troubling Tulkinghorn is a piece sent in by Tods Murray's Steve Raeburn who is entering the challenge. Perhaps over-exertion in training may have resulted in a lack of oxygen to the brain, resulting in the opening line: "Solicitors as a profession are certainly no stranger to pain." Presumably Raeburn means solicitors are not strangers to inflicting pain.

But most worrying is an allegation that Tods Murray's chairman Charles Abram and others at the firm were "swift to declare their willingness to slide once again into the cycling shorts and Vaseline". Maybe it's because Tulkinghorn has been to too many dodgy clubs, but reading it gave him an attack of the vapours.