Canapéd crusaders

Word has reached Tulkinghorn’s perfumed ears about a particular type of training regime at that renowned finishing school Weil Gotshal & Manges. It appears that the young lawyers are given rounded training that includes a session on how to eat a canapé.

Although it sounds simple, the act of eating a canapé is fraught with risk and Tulkinghorn has seen many a networking event end in blood and tears after a mini-quiche mishap. Even a young Tulkinghorn once nearly punctured a lung with a wayward lemongrass spear. To save everyone the trouble of attending a two-hour seminar, with techniques, angles and theory, Tulkinghorn has drawn on his experience and outlined a simple three-step plan. Hold canapé, put in mouth, chew. Repeat if necessary. This process can be used on many of the major foodstuffs, but it does require practice.

Tune in next week when Tulkinghorn will discuss techniques to help distinguish one’s gluteus maximus muscle group from the joint found halfway down the arm.