Tulkinghorn’s school days were a stiff mixture of rum, buggery and the lash. Sometimes all at once. But he opines that these days it seems our children have it a lot easier.

Lawyers at Orchard Brayton Graham would think the same. They have been representing a 12-year-old boy charged with grievous bodily harm after he had flicked paper at a classmate with an elastic band.

Eventually the Crown Prosecution Service dropped the charges, due to the deafening din of people tutting and rolling their eyes.

Interestingly enough, Orchard Brayton’s clients also include Cage Rage, which organises no-holds-barred fighting championships. Quite a niche it has going.

Tulkinghorn wonders if they’re rum drinkers.