Tulkinghorn: Chocolate lolly

There’s plenty of talk about alternative fee models these days, so kudos to the good folk over at Kraft.

Sure, those US raiders may have taken over one of the last bastions of the Great British Chocolate Empire and melted it down for parts, but Tulkinghorn can only applaud its ­innovation when it comes to paying for legal advice.

With billable hours becoming increasingly passé, how did Kraft keep ­Clifford Chance sweet in the wake of the Cadbury takeover? With a few dozen bars of Toblerone, of course.
If this is the way clients are going to pay, perhaps Clifford Chance won’t be too upset about missing out on another recent deal: KKR’s buyout of Pets At Home.

Better never than late

A brace of Tulkinghorn’s doughty scribes ventured out into the City the other day to visit Ince & Co and, specifically, the firm’s ­graduate recruitment manager Helen Salisbury.

However, after ­spending 40 interminable minutes in a taxi sitting in traffic to get to the ­meeting, the pair arrived around 10 minutes late. At which point they were promptly told to go home.

Helen then sat in silence with the scribes while they waited for a taxi. We think she is ­taking the term ­chargeable hours a bit too far. Helen only speaks when she’s booked and you’re on time.

Going for a song

There is nothing those wild and crazy Baker & ­McKenzie lawyers like more than a good old knees-up. And managing partner Gary Senior ­certainly knows how to lead his troops from the front.

Senior recently teamed up with disputes partner Tom Cassels, a newbie on the firm’s London ­management committee, to inject a little light relief after one particularly long strategy meeting.

But after whisking the rest of the committee off to a karaoke bar, the pair ­proceeded to squabble over song choices. Given that Senior ­repeatedly plumped for the Ken Dodd – ahem – classic Tears, it should come as no surprise that Cassels won, although not before Senior proved ­himself to be ­something of a crooner.

Tulkinghorn also learnt that Senior also bought an extra hour of karaoke fun for his staff at their ­Christmas party. At the end of the last festive shindig, Senior took out his chequebook to ensure the music carried on ­playing and the alcohol kept on flowing.

It cost £1,000, in case you were wondering.

Fishing for compliments

Tulkinghorn would like to extend his thanks to Mills & Reeve consultant William Barr for his response to an earlier, somewhat fishy, diary story:
“Dear Tulkinghorn, your story in The Lawyer, ’The Scales of Justice’, is a valiant attempt but I fear that you were floundering.”

Sadly, from such an auspicious start, Barr then proceeds to sing a different tuna and began plugging his book, The Carp Club.

“The book itself features John Fisher’s battle with the carp club committee members Jack Pike, Celia Canthe and Sir Adipose Ffynne,” gurgled Barr. “It is a story of love, passion and low carpery as well as ­stunning carp poetry such as,  ’Shall I compare thee to a mirror carp? Thou art more lovely than a tench.’”

At which point ­Tulkinghorn swam off back into his own murky world, leaving Barr to his watery wanderings. Poor cod.