The Lawyer Inquiry: Damian Wells

What was your first job?

Drawing white lines around corpses at the scenes of crimes.

What was your first ever salary as a lawyer?

Salary? You mean I can get paid for this?

What would you have done if you hadn't become a lawyer?

Midfield dynamo for Brazil, nationality notwithstanding.

Which law could you live without?

The ones which compel pubs to shut down for the night.

What was your most embarrassing professional moment?

I've never had a moment, professional, embarrassing or


What car do you drive?

One of those blue ones.

Which famous person would you like to go

out with?

Judge Thornton.

Where would you go to eat?

Gianni Fulco's La Pisseria Italiana, Catford.

What's the best thing on TV?

Beavis and Butthead.

Which movie do you wish you'd appeared in?

Butthead Comes to Town.

What's your most often-worn piece of clothing?

Tie (just the tie).

What book are you reading at the moment?

The Green Book.

What is your all-time favourite record?

Anything by that bloke out of Coronation Street…Jack.

What piece of advice would you give to anyone entering the profession now?

Go for it, dude.

What do you like about yourself?

My resemblance to Butthead.

What do you hate about yourself?


Where would you most like to be right now?

The Toucan pub with a pint of Guinness in both hands.