The crunch bunch

Tulkinghorn sees the gentlemanly game of cricket as a way to establish order in a chaotic world, and after their win against the associates, he believes the partners at Slaughter and May feel the same way. Chelsea fans and losers Ian Bagshaw, Charlie Jacobs and Richard Youle dragged their clients away from the Gatwick carnage and hot-footed it to Heathrow tocatch an alternative flight. They reached the ground just in the nick of time.

Jacobs crackberried in: “While Youle, Bagshaw and Jacobs are gutted that Chelsea lost by a lick of paint, two of the clients were Man Utd fans so are buying the champagne.”

Perhaps Rio Ferdinand can console John Terry in the same manner.

One of Tulkinghorn’s moles heard about the partners’ thrilling victory after last year’s crushing defeat. The assistants’ team needed four runs from the final ball to win, but fell just short.

A victory for the equity holders is an indicator of doom and gloom for the rest of us. A wry observer on the events, calling himself Geoff Boycott, summed this up in a post on “Last year = bull market, associates flexing their muscles. This year = credit crunch, power moves back to the partners.”

Tulkinghorn does not believe for one second that the underlings could have possibly thrown the match to stay in the partners’ good books. That job was passed down to the trainees, like at any good City firm, who were umpiring the match.

Corporate finance partner Ian Hodgson said: “They were under strict orders to make sure we won. Their jobs depended on it.”

With that in mind, Tulkinghorn wishes he’d put a few quid on the grey haired ones to win.