Five-minute smiling

Tulkinghorn has bought himself a treadmill (which he still cannot stand up on while it's in motion) after his bravado got the better of him. You see, Tulkinghorn's friend, Taylor Joynson Garrett partner Martin Winter, was telling him the other day how he ran the Flora London Marathon in under four hours. And, momentarily forgetting his gout, Tulkinghorn boasted to Winter that next year, he will do the Marathon with him (or, at the very least, decree that one of his younger and fitter colleagues runs the 26 miles on Tulkinghorn's behalf).
But why has Winter become so incredibly enthusiastic about running across the capital in his vest that he wants to do it again? Tulkinghorn, who prefers ambling around the study in his slippers, has a sneaking suspicion that it is because Winter failed this year to gain the recognition he deserved because he wore the wrong singlet.
During the race, it is customary for Marathon viewers to shout encouragement at runners, who have names written on their bibs, as they run past. But this Winter had failed to do.
Instead, perhaps hoping that he would be singled out by the television cameras, Winter had 'Hi Mum' plastered on his chest. And instead of hearing “Come on Martin”, he was met with catcalls of “Hi Son” and “Where's Dad?”. But it didn't spoil his progress.
At any rate, Tulkinghorn knows that he will not have to become as fit as Winter to enter the TJG team next year. Although Winter ran like the wind, one of his colleagues, who shall remain nameless, completed the race in a gentlemanly eight hours and 15 minutes – an average gait of three miles an hour. So at least Tulkinghorn might have a running mate.