When Tulkinghorn finally takes leave of his senses, he would like to be transported to a high seat in the US judiciary.
Last year we heard of the Michigan judge who dismissed a defamation suit filed by a former schoolfriend of Eminem with a rap of her own.
She was rivalled in the silliness stakes by Judge Sheldon Schapiro, who was reprimanded by the Florida Supreme Court for keeping a toy lavatory on his desk, which he flushed whenever advocates appearing in his court failed to impress him.
But you have to admire the US judiciary for not letting such salutory tales hold it back.
Last week US District Judge Vaughn Walker released a judgment in which he compared a client of class action powerhouse Milberg Weiss Bershad Hynes & Lerach with a fairy-tale frog.
“A class representative suing to rescue distressed plaintiffs may sometimes appear to be a prince. But, in reality, the heroic prince, perhaps, is actually a frog,” The Recorder reports him as saying.
All this makes our courts look quite dull by comparison – except perhaps for the much-debated outbursts of Mr Justice Seymour, that is. Please send your favourite examples of judicial silliness in England and Wales to the usual address.