The typewriting on the wall

Rumours are circling the market that the ­potential mega-merger of the year, that between insurance titans Clyde & Co and BLG ­(Tulkinghorn for one would mourn the passing of the latter firm as it has always reminded him of his number one favourite sandwich – Bacon Lettuce and, er, Gomato anyone?) could be derailed by the prehistoric behaviour of the former firm’s head ­honcho.

Clydes: keeping Tippex sales up
Clydes: keeping Tippex sales up

Astonishing rumours reached Tulkinghorn recently that Clyde’s ­senior partner Michael Payton still uses a ­typewriter at work. While not in itself a crime, it suggests a lacking in the forward-thinking brutal modernity that would surely be at odds with BLG’s razzle-dazzler David Jabbari.

Still, at least if the deal happens there won’t be a shortage of celebratory ribbon.

Eyes out for iPads

Tulkinghorn, who at heart is a bit of a Luddite, has noticed that everywhere he looks these days people have their noses buried in some form of electronic device. And it seems that the trend has also caught the eye of Blackstone ­Chambers’ Tim Otty QC.

Otty is on the hunt for the first ­barrister to use an iPad in court. He thinks that the days of clerks breaking their backs under the weight of thousands of pages of paper should be over, and reckons that reading notes from a screen would ­surely be the ­logical way ­forward – although Otty ­himself hasn’t quite managed to get round to using an iPad for this purpose ­himself.

Otty has enlisted ­Tulkinghorn to help track down any legal pioneers. Let us know if you’ve ­spotted a barrister strolling nonchalantly into the Royal Courts of Justice with that telltale slimline shape under their arm instead of ­juggling 10 or so foolscap files.

Stranger than fiction

DLA Piper put its 2011 financial results out last week. While clearly a ­landmark moment and of enormous interest to all in the market, Tulkinghorn can’t help thinking its PR team is getting ideas above the press release’s station.

It began: “DLA Piper (“the Firm”)”. What, is a press release now a legal ­document?

Or perhaps it’s a John Grisham ­reference. Now, what would that make Sir Nige?

Hidden talents

Does Eversheds have ­talent? At its recent ­litigation practice group conference in Birmingham the firm decided it would find out and so arranged a Britain’s Got Talent-style show.

The acts varied from the weird – two guys with a trombone and a triangle – to the mundane: one group thought showing off their ability with a skipping rope constituted a talent.

There are no codified records of what does ­constitute a talent, but unless this particular ­skipping rope was on fire or the contestants were naked at the time, ­Tulkinghorn is pretty sure it doesn’t qualify.

The star of the show, ­however, was South-East Asia dispute ­resolution head Oomen Mathew, who blew everyone away with renditions of Lionel Richie’s Hello and All Night Long.

Rumour has it there’s even a video of said ­performance knocking about somewhere.

Please, not more law firms murdering classic songs (thank you, Kennedys).