Separated at birth

Housewives and students all over the country were devastated when the King and Queen of daytime telly Richard and Judy announced that they were moving to that den of iniquity Channel 4. Tulkinghorn believes the move to have been arranged by the Confederation of British Industry in an attempt to cut down on absenteeism from work. After all, what's the point of being sick if you can't take part in that quiz for the intelligentsia, Midday Money? (If you have no idea what Tulkinghorn is talking about, then ask the nearest trainee – they'll definitely know.)
Anyway, Tulkinghorn is able to reveal the real reason why the duo had to move on. It's because Richard 'Sex God' Madeley is moonlighting within the corporate department of CMS Cameron McKenna, spreading his charm and personality throughout those big deals. He has adopted the frankly unbelievable name of Barney Hearnden.
However, rumours that agony aunt Denise Robertson is joining the arbitration team are sadly untrue.
(Tulkinghorn has now broken into a cold sweat trying to decide whether alleging that someone is Richard Madeley is libellous or not…)