When lunching with two elite members of the accountancy profession the other day, Tulkinghorn was impressed to note that his host, who shall remain nameless and shameless, spoke un petit peu de Franglais.

Before ordering, the host kindly translated all of the dishes on the menu for Tulkinghorn, who was enthralled to learn that crème de céleri meant celery soup.

At the end of the meal, the accountant ventured onto the subject of the provenance of certain coffees. Tulkinghorn could not order a cappuccino, the host told him, as this was a French restaurant and cappuccino comes from Italy, a different country altogether. Tulkinghorn lives and learns. And no, the delightful accountant does not hail from Peckham.

Tulkinghorn would like to invite more examples of idiocy from accountants. Mange tout.