Stop press!!!

Newbury firm Gardner Leader wins a double Tulkinghorn award in a single story. Not only does the firm win this week’s Most Desperate Attempt to Win a Bit of Press Award, it literally marries that success with the award for the Non Sequitur of the Year prize.

According to a bizarre press release last week, two members of the firm’s private client team are getting married, one “to a Gardner Leader property solicitor!” (exclamation mark Gardner Leader’s own!!).

“Carol Bartholomew,” it blathers, “has worked as a secretary at Gardner Leader for two years. She tied the knot [with hubbie Nick] on 2 July at the registry office in Newbury. Carol and Nick are currently enjoying their honeymoon in Cornwall.”

So far, so what? Next up is Suzanne Bayliss, who, it helpfully informs, has also been employed by Gardner Leader for two years and is a trainee solicitor. “Her ‘big day’ will be 31 July when she marries Robert Parsonson who is a property solicitor, also at Gardner Leader! [oh, those exclamation marks, don’t you just love them!]. Suzanne and Robert will be getting married at a local church and have not given away any clues as to their honeymoon plans. [And here it comes…]
Neither Carol nor Suzanne stand a chance of being ‘Football Widows’ as both have a keen interest in football, although they support different teams [Huh?].
Carol and Nick live in Newbury and Suzanne and Robert in Thatcham.” That’s it, verbatim. Make of it what you will.