Tulkinghorn: Saints and winners

Tulkinghorn loves Southampton. The Titanic, Matt Le Tissier, Craig David… so much history.

But it appears Graham Prentice loves the city more. The former Dewey & LeBoeuf partner once bid more than £10,000 for a winner’s medal from Southampton FC’s 1976 FA Cup victory over ­Manchester United FC.

Sadly, Prentice’s bid wasn’t high enough to win. To make matters worse, he lost to former Saints chairman Rupert Lowe (not the most popular character in Southampton). Don’t feel too bad for Prentice, though, he’s already got one medal. And as Prentice says of his auction loss: “At least I made [Lowe] pay more for it.”

Brit strop

Election night goss reached Tulkinghorn last week, and from no greater authority than the head of ­litigation and dispute ­resolution at Edwin Coe and Lawyer Awards judging panel ­member David Greene.

The lawyer is a Labour man through and through. Indeed, in the 2005 ­general election Greene stood against Tory ­candidate (and the most popular House of ­Commons speaker of all time) John Bercow.

Greene was ably assisted in his 2005 bid by his daughter, who helped him on the canvassing trail, ­ferrying old dears to polling stations and the like. As with all political endeavours, however, not all of these attempts to boost the Labour vote were successful.

As Greene recalls: “My daughter helped this charming old lady into the polling booth, only to come out a few minutes later with a horrified look on her face, saying, ’Oh my God, she’s voting BNP’.”

Tulkinghorn believes the charming old lady made her own way home.

Punny ­business

A delightfully witty press release that fell into ­Tulkinghorn’s in-box last week got him thinking about other law firm-­related puns.

See if you can decipher the source of last week’s killer line: “Law firm ’Steeles’ ­Eversheds solicitor”.

That’s right, fun fans, Norwich’s finest, Steeles, last week heralded the arrival of former Sheds litigation associate Katy Levy with that snappy header.

Imagine Tulkinghorn’s surprise when, in the same week, he also received a release from ­Wiggin on follicle law, Coffin Mew on death duties and Wright ­Hassall on dealing with sexual predators at work.

Tulkinghorn is far too polite a gent to unveil the content of the release he got from Moon Beever.

Taken for a ride

Here’s a little story from one of Tulkinghorn’s favourite posh lawyer mates that reveals the true extent of the ­pricing pressures on firms.

The lawyer in question, who shall remain ­nameless, recalls being midway through a ­conversation with his client on the precise level of his bill for services ­rendered when the client leaned forward and said, sotto voce: “I wonder, would you mind just ­nibbling my ear? I always prefer a little ­foreplay when I’m being f*cked from behind.”

Taxman relief

More on the election. ­Tulkinghorn learnt last week that one well-known tax lawyer fainted during his medical examination at work the following Friday after staying up all night at an election party.

The poor mite ­apparently hit the ground with the force of an ejected Labour leader – ­something about a “big, clunking fist” springs to mind – after ­getting his heart rate up
to 180 on the running machine.

Still, Tulkinghorn is delighted to inform you, dear reader, that the lawyer felt much better after he was given a ­chocolate digestive by the nurse. Aww.