Tulkinghorn is pleased to announce a new section devoted to solving the problems of legal types everywhere. This week, a PR man tries to work out why it’s all going wrong.
I have worked as a high-profile PR professional for many years. I know better than anyone about everything.
As God’s gift to the world, I recently decided that I should take time out of my busy press release-stapling schedule to pass on a few pearls of wisdom to all the people in the world who were unfortunate enough not to be born me.
The problem is, every time people mention the lecture I kindly delivered to these miserable creatures, they fall about in spasms of laughter, clutching their sides and slapping their thighs.
I know that geniuses are often not recognised in their own lifetimes, but honestly, what is wrong with these people?
A misunderstood life is a sorry life indeed. How truly awful it must be to be you.
You have two choices. I take it as read that a professional of your exalted position will have presentational skills par excellence, so you must find some other way of persuading these people that what you say really does have some merit after all. Perhaps bribery?
If that fails, I suggest you get the hell out and save yourself even more embarrassment.