Tulkinghorn: The Itchy & Scratchy show

Tulkinghorn thought his readers would like an update on how his ­Movember Moustache Team was getting on.

Tulkinghorn: The Itchy & Scratchy showItchy & scratchy

Tulkinghorn thought his readers would like an update on how his ­Movember Moustache Team was getting on. As the readers can see, the first week is the hardest. But please sponsor the ’taches, which are being grown to support The Prostate Cancer Charity, by visiting www.movember.com.

Moustache hero: Theodore Roosevelt
Moustache manifesto: “My dad had a moustache for years. When he shaved it off he looked liked Jasper Carrott.”

Moustache hero: Bruce Grobelaar
Moustache manifesto: “If there’s a better way to get instant gravitas, I don’t know it.”

Moustache hero: Hercule Poirot
Moustache manifesto: “Ladies love the tickle of a waxed lip wig.”

Moustache hero: Friedrich Nietzsche
Moustache manifesto: “Moustaches are the curtains of the soul. Keep them drawn.”

2Birds off to a flyer in World Cup

Tulkinghorn notes that, bar the cricketers and rugby players, England’s sportsmen are doing pretty well at the moment. And you can add Bird & Bird’s London lawyers to that list as well.

The firm has held its annual World Cup football event, featuring players from its many international offices. It just so happened that the England B team won the event, with a 1-0 victory over Sweden in the final.

According to one lynchpin of the England team: “Much rejoicing was had – and for the second year running, Chris ‘Disco Shoes’ Holder won the dance-off against Jonny ‘Dances With Piles’ Emmanuel at the after party. No surprise there.”

The jubilant Holder can be seen in the photo practising his dancing behind the Three Lions towel.

Quack to black victories

With the credit crunch ­getting crunchier, law firms are looking to new practice areas for work. Turning work down is a big no-no.

Step forward Davenport Lyons, which seems to be picking up on the big ­instructions that have flown under the radar of most City firms.

Davenport has sent out a few bizarre press ­releases in the past few weeks, leading ­Tulkinghorn to suspect it has developed a new food practice in London.

First it boasted of the patent it won for chef Marco Pierre White’s new coffee tin. Then came the news that Davenport had put crispy duck back on the menu at restaurants across Chinatown, overturning a ban on modifying the ­traditional gas ovens to cook the ducks.

So if you do find yourself eating crispy duck in ­Chinatown while drinking premium Marco Pierre White coffee, raise a mug to the food lawyers at Davenport.

In other words

Tulkinghorn is a fan of games, and his goal is to one day complete The Times crossword from 9 March 1985. But he feels that one of his readers would be even better ­qualified to complete the word game.

One former Linklaters employee emailed in to comment about Kinstellar, the Linklaters breakaway firm in Eastern Europe.

“I ­wonder how much Linklaters paid its brand strategists for the genius Kinstellar anagram. As a crossword enthusiast and former employee, I’m surprised that more fitting options such as All-stinker or All-tinkers were ­overlooked,” wrote the word enthusiast.

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City, this got Tulkinghorn thinking. And ­anagramming. Here are the results:
Clifford Chance: Acrid Clinch Off
Allen & Overy: Even ­Orally

Freshfields Bruckhaus Deringer: Beached ­Hurdlers ­Refusing Frisk
Linklaters: Ant Killers
Tulkinghorn: Gin Hulk Torn

Lady tuck

Apart from his ­extraordinary name, ­Tulkinghorn is the very model of English reserve and understatement. But he is an outrageous ­extrovert compared with Lord Grabiner.
One of Tulkinghorn’s moles asked ­Grabiner whether his ­lordship had ever used his peerage to get a table at a restaurant. He replied: “I’ve never used my title, but I do explain that Lady Grabiner would be very disappointed.”

Under… whelmed

Since opening its doors in May, Eversheds’ new ­headquarters at One Wood Street has hosted a ­number of celebrities underneath its grassy roof. But Tulkinghorn understands that the recent visit by ex-Undertones star ­Fergal Sharkey has proved to be a high point.

The Sharkey came to the Shed to address a ­conference in his role as chief executive of UK Music. Tulkinghorn ­understands that, when
a ­number of Eversheds’ trainees asked “Fergal who?”, media partner Nick Valner was kind enough to give a full demonstration of the dance routine from the video of A Good Heart.