Freize suckers

Not content with a good position in last week's UK M&A rankings, Macfarlanes has also set out to be the UK's most cultured firm. Dominating an entire wall in one of the firm's labyrinthine corridors is a huge frieze comprised of individually sculpted squares. The work is so intricate, Tulkinghorn understands that certain partners have taken to spending hours at a time staring at it.
But the lost billable hours are of minor importance now. The firm has won the Art & Work Award 2000, which is judged by a panel of worthies that includes Sir Geoffrey Chipperfield, the former permanent secretary of the Department of Energy (who is presumably a bit of a culture vulture in his spare time).
Tulkinghorn has seen the piece and has to concede that, as modern art goes, it's better than a dead cow.
However, if you come across Charles Martin or Charles Meek, the best way to annoy them is probably to point out that your five-year-old daughter has done something similar and then offer to sell the girl's work to Macfarlanes for the price of a pint.