Free kicks

Tulkinghorn seems to be developing a theme – he had to have a glass of port after reading a recent press release from Hertfordshire firm Matthew Arnold & Baldwin. It all started off well, informing Tulkinghorn of a recent sponsorship deal for its 101-year-old football team. Marvellous stuff, thought Tulkinghorn, nothing like a few tackles and free kicks to blow away the cobwebs. But then he read who the sponsor was – Playboy TV. Now, Tulkinghorn knows nothing about these things, but he assumes from the salmon kettle thrown at his head when he asked Mrs Tulkinghorn to check the television listings for Playboy TV that it is not a family viewing channel.
Matthew Arnold kindly sent Tulkinghorn this picture to illustrate the strip. All very attractive, he is sure, but two things concern him: first, that the team seems to be made up of girls, when football is a man's game, and second, that the strip is far too big for the young lady. With sleeves that long, she'll trip over them.