Feeling flush

Now Tulkinghorn is sure you all remember busy Clifford Chance banking star James Johnson, depicted in these pages just two weeks ago. He had the gall to call one of The Lawyer's journalists and conduct a conversation while relieving himself. But it seems that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

While most gentlemen might consider taking The Lawyer into the toilets for a leisurely read, and then only on a Monday, there is one partner at a top 20 firm who regularly insists that his trainee accompanies him to the toilet in order to finish off the telling of a "humorous" story.

Unfortunately, it gets worse. This wretched creature, Tulkinghorn is informed, has the nasty habit of regularly making calls from his mobile while on the loo. These are mainly made to his long-suffering secretary, who has reported hearing toilet paper being pulled from the roll and flushing during the duration of a call.

In their correspondence, this man's poor colleagues plead: "We are writing to you, Tulkinghorn, in the hope that this individual will recognise himself from this story and cease this revolting habit."

Tulkinghorn hopes so too, unless, of course, he's the firm's leading rainmaker and bills his "toilet time" at £500 per flush.