Tulkinghorn: A really big thank you

A really big thank you Christmas is coming up far too quickly, which means Slaughters asset ­management partner James Cripps will be already frantically making space in his diary for his post-­festivities scribing.

“James’s thank-you letters run to two pages,” reveals one insider. “He spends a fortnight writing them.”

Whiskery business

Tulkinghorn was extremely pleased to see so many fine examples of proper facial hair in evidence during November.

The great man’s own handlebar moustache is coming along nicely, but he’d be the first to admit that it pales in comparison with the collective fizzog ornamentation over at Bristows.

The chaps at the IP and IT-focused outfit really took Movember to heart. Half the male partners grew ’taches.

They even had a fancy-dress party to mark the end of the month and the winning costume-wearer had to keep his moustache for another week. Sounds more like a third prize to Tulkinghorn.

But that level of commitment paid off. The £20,000-plus Bristows raised for the prostate cancer charity was more than any other firm in the UK and in the top 10 of any business in the country. Good hairy effort.

Batting your eyes

Tulkinghorn is finding it terribly difficult to not to crow about last week’s (7 December) demolition by England of the ­Australian cricket team in Adelaide. And he’s not the only one who’s loving the long hoped-for ­turnaround in fortunes.

Norton Rose associate Chris White stayed up until close of play on the second day of the first Test, while over at Reed Smith corporate partner Mike Young has been ­structuring his life around pulling the only sort of all-nighters that really count.

“You need a strategy,” Young reveals. “Lots of ­coffee and Diet Coke, plus a plan to get through the tricky lunch period. The best idea is to get a sleep in before it starts. To be ­honest, I thought I might have got less sleep than I did last Monday.”

Thank Swanny and co for giving you a few extra hours of shut-eye, Youngy.

Down about overs Down Under

And the aforementioned Reed Smith lawyer isn’t the only one planning their Ashes campaign with a military precision worthy of England’s dynamic duo Andrew Strauss and Andy Flower.

Over at Salans a ­delegation led by former chairman Stephen Finch is going straight to the source and heading Down Under
for the Boxing Day Test. ­Complete with ’Salans on Tour’ T-shirts.

But come on, let’s spare a thought for the losers (as surely they will be). One such trooper is Matthew Cavanagh, ­general counsel at hedge fund ­Christofferson Robb.

“What news from ­Adelaide?” deadpanned the plucky Aussie last week when quizzed by one of Tulkinghorn’s hacks on how he was feeling. “I’ve had all Australian links deactivated on my ­computer and am refusing to read any newspapers.”

Ultimately, though, Cavanagh was forced to bow to the inevitable and, just like his cricketing cousins, admit defeat.

“In my home ­vernacular – what a fr*gging walloping,” Cavanagh confessed. “It’ll be hard for Australia to come back. Now I’m going out for lunch with some French and ­American colleagues – I think that’s safest.”

Money for nada

Tulkinghorn is often advising his young, poverty-stricken scribes that they’re in the wrong game.

Better – at least from the point of view of the wallet if not the wellbeing of the soul – to turn their eager hands to the murky world of consultancy.

SJ Berwin, during its tortuous search for a suitable US merger target, engaged a well-known consultancy firm (Tulkinghorn will refrain from besmirching its reputation by naming it) to help it find the ­perfect partner.

After months of work and, one assumes, a bill stretching well into six ­figures, what nugget of wisdom did these ­Starbucks-dwellers come up with? “Look for someone in New York.”

You really can’t put a price on that kind of expertise. Or maybe you can – £3.20 for a ­skinny latte.