Tulkinghorn: 99 problems but a pitch ain't one

In the same vein Pinsent Masons has launched pitch doctors, an initiative aimed at helping lawyers prepare for those all-too-important client meetings.

The scheme was launched and is led by IP and technology partner Catrin Turner, who is part of a 12-strong panel that covers all practice areas.

Five of the panel including Turner are the pitch doctors, a crack troupe of experts who help make sure lawyers’ documentation and delivery is up to snuff. Turner also helps with presentation skills - perhaps gleaned from her TV presenter sis Lowri?

Tulkinghorn wonders where Turner got her pitch doctorate from, and if she is, in fact, a real doctor at all. Or is this all a little bit Gillian McKeith?

Baize of glory

Tulkinghorn is looking ­forward to a great summer of sport this year. There’s the World Cup in South Africa, a few juicy test matches and a British ­tennis hero ready to let us all down in the Wimbledon semi-finals again.

But top of the list is the forthcoming battle of the green baize between Olswang’s young pool hotshot ’Fast’ Mark Shepherd and Fountain Court team leader Paul ’Hustler’ Martenstyn.

By all accounts, Martenstyn was something of a snooker hall shark in his youth and has been following Shepherd’s rise to the top with interest. So much interest, in fact, that he has challenged the Olswang associate to a game of no-holds-barred eight-ball action. All for charidee you understand.

Tulkinghorn will bring you news of the epic battle between the bar and the City as soon as he gets the smell of stale beer
out of his once-immaculate breeches.

Keep feeling Fabrication

It’s only the start of the season and already there is a claim for party of the summer, thanks to Matrix Chambers.

Keen to mark its 10th birthday (actually on 2 May), the trendy set chose to make it a night to remember at Fabric nightclub in London. Remarkably, it managed to fill the huge club - usually the hangout for sweaty, pie-eyed fans of dance music - with sweaty, pie-eyed fans of Chablis.

With the addition of some well-placed tea-lights and framed pictures of barristers, the club’s steely, warehouse party feel was transformed for the 1,000-plus guests. On the main stage, revellers were treated to a variety show including illusionist James Fortune, who sawed terrified foundingmember Clare Montgomery QC in half (is that a first at a chambers do?).

Music was provided by The Truemen (including The Lawyer’s own Matt Byrne on lead guitar) and covers band The Redactions (brought to an appreciative audience by solicitors from Public Interest Lawyers). The chillout area, meanwhile, was patronised by toe-tapping jazz band Let’s Get Lost.

And a chambers party would not be the same without healthy debate, so organisers helpfully laid on a speakers’ corner, encouraging partygoers to wax lyrical about whether Britain, following the ­election result, should have a bill of rights.Luckily, the club’s edgy atmosphere remained intact, and by the end of the night there were throngs of revellers looking to continue the party elsewhere.

Brave Montgomery, known for representing ­controversial figures such as General Pinochet, can take comfort in the fact that she was not the only Matrix employee to end up legless that evening (and that had nothing to do with an ­illusionist with a sharp instrument).

Elastic brand

Osborne Clarke is very excited about its relaunched brand, not least the new 3D panther that now looks ready to leap from the computer screen, Japanese horror film-style, to rip the throat out of any client who dares to withhold payment.

Apparently, the old 2D image of a sullen panther walking away, painted the firm in a negative light, according to the marketing gurus, who earn wads of cash for this sort of insight. The new pussycat has been designed by the same man who redrew Tottenham Hotspur FC’s distinctive cockerel a few years back.

Tulkinghorn understands the Premiership club’s influence won’t end there - managing partner Simon Beswick will soon be copying Harry Redknapp’s management style by ­calling his lawyers in for ­Sunday morning training, should they find themselves celebrating a big client win downat Faces nightclub on a school night.