Take a butcher's at this, mate

Simmons & Simmons knows how to throw a "pukka" celebration. Tulkinghorn recently attended a "blinding" press party thrown by the firm, and most impressive was the band who entertained the assembled hacks.
Mrs Tulkinghorn was even more impressed when she found out that the band played at the wedding reception of that upstart young chef Jamie Oliver - you know, the one who irritates the pants off the entire male population while having a disturbingly arousing effect on most of the skirt-wearing contingent. Tulkinghorn has never seen the attraction to be honest - an evident lack of elocution is always a sign of bad breeding in his book. Still, his reservations didn't stop Mrs Tulkinghorn slipping notes into the double bass case in the hope that the player might pass them on to young Oliver.
But despite this pleasant entertainment, one thing is certain - the nibbles handed out at the same do will not be featuring on Oliver's cookery show. Perhaps nibbles is the wrong word as they all seemed to come from animals that would bite you in half, not nibble. Tulkinghorn is trying not to be offended by the fact that Simmons fed its journalists shark and crocodile, as he is sure that the choice of predatory, blood-thirsty animals was a mere coincidence.