Not quite champagne

Lawyer2B.com's law firm mole Chris Snell seems to be warming to his fellow vac schemers, but will it last beyond the assessment day?

Week One: Inside the north of England office of a major international firm

An over used and utterly irritating clich矩t may be, but to say that one could cut the atmosphere at Mondays initial welcome meeting with a knife, and a rather blunt knife at that, is about as close to the truth as it gets.

Initial niceties and pleasantries having been exchanged, the typical awkward silence ensued. Predictably, the silence was sporadically broken by a spontaneous and utterly pointless enquiry made by one of the fellow summer schemers eager to dig out some dirt on their competition. Note to others silence can be golden.

Beware; this situation can be a potentially devastating moment in the socio-political game. Ask too many questions and risk being that annoying person everyone avoids in the bar after work through fear of becoming stuck in tedious conversation, whilst everyone else concentrates on numbing the pains of the week. Ask too few questions and take the chance of being labelled a social recluse; the one with a personality rating of somewhere between 0 and 0.1.

My supervisor. First impressions - middle aged, Irish, no time for young wannabes. Picture my shocked face then, when the first word he utters is a four letter expletive beginning with the sixth letter of the alphabet. Forcibly removed from court on several occasions and prone to irrational and inexplicable outbursts of traditional Gaelic dialect, Jim Carey would be an apt comparison. The highlight of the week, a phone conversation to a fellow solicitor obviously so boring that it became acceptable to hold the phone at arms length whilst making a V sign in the direction of the handset. A seat for neither the faint of heart nor those easily offended by crude language. For all others, top quality entertainment at no cost.

Allow me to apologise. Although some may expect a shocking tale from Tuesday nights social I fear I have to disappoint. It was, by and large, a non-descript affair culminating in one female trainee becoming so intoxicated she had to be carried to the bar for her next drink. Tucked up in bed at 12:30 that evening I reminisced on the debate as to whether the death penalty should still be in force, hosted by our resident RP speaking, Surrey residing, Oxford graduate currently working on the Strand. Seriously, do we have to talk about law 24/7?

This weeks most embarrassing moment? Strolling into the toilet whist whistling The Great Escape theme tune rather loudly, only to bump into the department partner youve yet to meet.

This week likened to a drink. A sparkling wine, Cava. Not quite that high priced Champagne. Ostensibly, plenty of fizz and quite palatable. However, rather likely to go somewhat flat a short while after the cork has been popped.

This week summed up in a word Changeable.

Next weeks outlook is brighter, potentially with some sunny spells as the delights of the corporate department await me. Until we next meet, ciao.