Tulkinghorn would love to know the criteria law firms use when they choose the music to play to punters on hold on the telephone. Most sets of chambers opt for excerpts from classical works, which is a choice that speaks volumes about the way barristers see themselves - learned, serious and grown up. Meanwhile, some solicitors' firms plump for pop chart classics, as experienced first hand by Tulkinghorn's youthful counterpart on Lawyer 2B Donoghue Snail, who once whiled away a happy hour listening to Will Young's Evergreen while on hold for a partner at criminal law firm Tuckers. However, Tulkinghorn simply couldn't believe his ears the other day while he was put on hold at shipping specialists More Fisher Brown. Expecting to be subject to a medley of sea shanties or whale music, his ears were astonished to be seduced by the growling tones of international sex god and Mrs Tulkingorn pin-up Barry White. Tulkinghorn is still not quite sure whether he was listening to It's Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next To Me or Can't Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe and is still trying to fathom what on earth this choice of artiste says about the firm. Any suggestions will be gratefully received at the usual address.