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Last week's issue featured a Valentine's Day story, appropriately enough. Since then, another similar tale of outrageous cheesiness has emerged that is so cringeworthy in its desperation, it has to be aired.
Headed 'Welcome to Lamport Bassitt's Employment Law Bulletin for the week commencing 14 February 2005', the missive's first warning of its toe-curling nature was the subhead, 'A "Love Contract" my fair Valentine...'. It then got really bad: "As receptions fill with deliveries of roses and nothing but red-coloured envelopes in the mail, employers grimace as staff whisper, gossip and blush over Valentine's Day. Whether it is because of a Valentines romance or a works function, it is not unusual for employees to get together. However, these office romances can also come to an end!!".
Tulkinghorn is kind enough to spare you any more, and rest assured it went on - and on and on. However, he imagines you can guess the rest. Employees with affairs of the heart-related disputes will no doubt be beating a path to Southampton's Lamport Bassitt.