It's been a bad week for…

Sports audiences. Regular pitch invasions are simply not cricket, according to World Cup event manager Michael Browning, who is lobbying the Home Office to extend legislation outlawing trespass on football pitches to the more civilised game of cricket.

Advice from the other world. Californian convicted drug dealer Bernardo Arroyo turned down an offer of a two-year jail sentence in exchange for pleading guilty to distributing methamphetamine, after a psychic forecast that he would never spend a day behind bars. He has now been prosecuted and is likely to spend 10 years in jail. Fortunately, Arroyo was unable to afford the $8,000 required for a psychic's curse on the prosecutors and drug agents involved.

Anyone receiving state benefits who suffers injustice. They now have to appeal Benefits Agency mistakes within one month. Government logic says the new time limits will speed up the appeal process – presumably because people will be too ill, demoralised or busy with their children to meet the deadline.

Fiction writers. They are advised to avoid murder scenes and gruesome violence if they want to reassure their publishers about law suits in the future. Amazingly, US publishing company Paladin Press has agreed to pay millions in compensation to three families of murder victims who fell prey to a hired killer. The killer followed 22 of the instructions in a guide to murder called Hit Man. However, sales of Hit Man are soaring because of the publicity. Meanwhile, Hollywood director Oliver Stone is currently being sued over criminal acts allegedly inspired by his film Natural Born Killers.