The thick-skinned Blackstone Chambers silk currently sits as a judge in Guernsey and apparently braves the water no matter what the weather.
He may be used to facing sharks in the courtroom, but the thought of the erudite Beloff in his Speedos is enough to make Mrs Tulkinghorn come over all unnecessary.
Divorce Show. Two words that conjure up images of a new reality TV programme where viewers watch the agonising moments when a once happy marriage falls apart with rows, tears and lingering shots of devastated ex-partners staring out of rain-soaked windows.
They are two words that should never go together, but things have changed a lot since Tulkinghorn got married.
There are now various ‘divorce shows’ held in the UK. Presumably they are heart-warming events where the annulled can reinvent themselves post-marriage and buy goods and legal services. Not halls of scorn where (now) Miss Jones hangs and whips effigies of her ex to the tune of I Will Survive.
However, the recession has taken its toll and The Divorce Show, which was due to be held this summer, has been cancelled. Perhaps it was the size of the venue (the Birmingham NEC: literally acres of divorce), but whatever the cause of its demise, the rival (and original) sadness fair, Suzy’s Starting Over Show (SOS), sent out a press release, picking over the carcass of The Divorce Show to gain some publicity.
Suzy is quick to distance SOS from the ”commercial” Divorce Show, saying: “It’s important to provide a place where people can be inspired and focus on positive things at a very difficult time – the Starting Over shows do this”, before asking potential attendees to “say something nice about your ex” and hawking a competition to get an SOS divorce relationship makeover.
Will Fiona Shakleton be there?
Linklaters lawyers must be a rowdy lot. A sign in the Silk Street HQ reception reminding noisy solicitors to “leave quietly” and ”consider your neighbours” when leaving the building would not look out of place in a pub car park.
Perhaps becoming the number one law firm has gone to the lawyers’ heads.
Going down the pan
Addleshaw Goddard’s new reception may look like a five-star hotel’s, but the disabled toilets are more like a Blackpool B&B’s.
Those unfortunate enough to use them recently found there was no toilet paper, soap or – helpfully – even a light.
Someone might want to have a word with managing partner Paul Devitt before someone falls in.
All you need is a lawyer
Tulkinghorn loves a charity fundraiser, and they don’t get much bigger than the BBC’s Children in Need. Pudsy the Bear, Andi Peters, Terry Wogan and Huw Edwards singing Bohemian Rapsody… the possibilities are endless. As is the programme itself.
But it raises millions of pounds for children, so all who take part should be applauded. This includes Emma Payn, a corporate lawyer with Swindon-based commercial solicitors Clark Holt, who features on two tracks for the album Bandaged Together.
On 7 September Emma spent the entire day at Abbey Road Studios recording vocals and making a music video to accompany classic Beatles track (and Tulkinghorn favourite) All You Need Is Love.
Emma was joined by an ensemble of artists and celebrities that reads like a UK music hall of fame, including Sir Terry Wogan (told you), Nick Mason, Bill Wyman, Roger Taylor, Lee Mead, Cerys Matthews, Paloma Faith and, strangely, Adrian Edmondson.
The record will be the official Children in Need 2009 single, to be released prior to the live television event in November.
Musical Payn also recorded solo vocals for a second song, Favourite Things, which was recorded with various artists and the London Jazz Trio.
Clark Holt senior partner Richard Clark said: “Emma’s also an extremely talented lawyer, so we’re hoping she’ll stay with us – although I reluctantly accept we’re rather less glamorous than the company she’s been keeping recently.”