Tulkinghorn: Scales of justice

Tulkinghorn doesn’t get out much, except for a spot of Gilbert & Sullivan with the D’Oyly Carte, but Mrs Tulkinghorn recently forced him to ­witness some popular beat combos in The 100 Club at the first of this year’s three-night legal music festival that is Law Rocks, now in its third year.

Balloonacy at the bar

Continuing this theme, Tulkinghorn always thought his luck was bad given that he was born on Christmas Day, but one has never considered the fate of those born on 1 April.

Imagine the hilarity as your colleagues think of ingenious pranks every year. Take Old Square Chambers senior clerk Will Meade, who turned 36 on the first of this month.

Apparently his ­colleagues have been ­celebrating his 40th ­prematurely for some years now. On 1 April this year Meade turned up for work to find he was unable to enter his office. It had been crammed with 1,000 balloons. Heliumarious.

Camera wrangles

An excited Addleshaws PR told one of Tulkinghorn’s scribes recently that they had secured permission from the firm to buy some video cameras for partners to use. This, thought the scribe, was a sure recipe for disaster. Whenever lawyers get hold of video cameras, it’s a shambles. Think Kennedys singing Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now, the ­shooting star pinnacle of this cringe-inducing spectacle. It probably always will be.

Still, Nixon Peabody’s theme song and Baker & McKenzie’s Christmas 2006 rendition of Is This The Way To Amarillo? both deserve honourable mentions.

So one piece of advice Tulkinghorn has for Addleshaws’ partners is to not sing. No music of any kind, in fact.

But even when firms take a less frivolous approach – such as SNR Denton did with its horrendously gushy post-merger talks video – it somehow still ends up being faintly ridiculous.

The problem is that when lawyers put themselves in front of a camera they try to be jolly, nice, approachable… and that’s just not them. Lawyers excel at being argumentative contrarians; why not showcase those skills instead?

Or, better yet, just leave those video cameras in the box.