Food for tort

The perils of dining with celebrities are manifold.

One cannot even get through the amuse-bouches without one VIP or another tripping over themselves to greet each other.

So in retrospect it was perhaps a mistake for Tulkinghorn to sup at an establishment run by a celebrity chef in a star-studded area - namely Marco Pierre White's Luciano on St James' Street.

No sooner were the duo's orders taken than the great man himself made a beeline for the table.

"You know Keith Schilling?" bellowed the chef in Tulkinghorn's direction - question or statement, it was not quite clear. "He's my lawyer."

Tulkinghorn duly made a note to add MPW's name to those of Britney Spears, Kate Winslet et al who call upon Schilling's advocacy.

"He puts me on a wealth diet," MPW added.

Schilling, with a lightning-quick response that was perhaps indicative of that quick-thinking for which aforementioned stars pay him handsomely, replied: "I like to keep my clients fighting fit. Chefs especially need to keep trim.

"Strangely enough, Marco may have forgotten that it was his opponents I put on a wealth diet on that occasion.