Float like butter, sting like a brie

Tulkinghorn was delighted to come across a spanking new copy of a book penned by his very own (at least occasionally) hack Alex Wade. Wade, for the uninitiated, is a former Carter-Ruck lawyer turned journo. He’s also a proponent of the fine art of white-collar boxing (remember that?). His welterweight tome, entitled Wrecking Machine, is not a comment on the practices of law, but rather “a tale of real fights and white collars”. It also devotes an entire chapter to one of Tulkinghorn’s oldest friends, Simon Dowson-Collins, head honcho of the law at publisher Harper-Collins.

The chance to share an insight into this blood-spattered netherworld was frankly too good to miss: “Simon ‘Rough Justice’ Dowson-Collins, otherwise known as Simon ‘Two-Names’ Dowson-Collins, climbed into the ring at York Hall with the look of a man about to exact terrifying revenge on an enemy whose crimes were too horrific to describe. Sweat ran from the shaven head of the 40-year-old law-yer, whose fitness was as astounding as his eagerness to exper-ience the thrill of his first white-collar fight…”

Publishing lawyers must tremble as they begin negotiations with Two Names.