Cocktails and cream, saucy

You might be surprised to hear the latest Tulkinghorn exclusive: securitisation lawyers have the most fun. Yes, it's true, as evidenced by their recent jaunt to Barcelona for the Global Asset Securitisation Conference 2001.
It was clear that the four-day trip was not going to be all hard work when it was discovered that the conference pack consisted mainly of beach towels and Frisbees.
Henry Cooke, ex-joint head of securitisation at Nomura, certainly had the right idea. Cooke loves his boat so much that not only did he sail all the way from his current base in Majorca but even when he arrived in Barcelona he couldn't quite bring himself to leave it – so never got round to registering for the conference, let alone attend any sessions.
Barclays Capital's Robert Palache had a rather different excuse. Palache travelled with Cook but never quite found his sea legs and spent the entire 16-hour journey cooped up in his cabin being sick. As a result the cabin was renamed the 'David Palace Vomatorium'. As you can see Palache himself was renamed – apparently the Polish students who he helps his fianc?e place on work assignments in the UK find Palache too hard to say. It remains a mystery why his fianc?e calls him David.
One of the highlights of the event was Deutsche Bank's party, which took place in the Baja Beach Club. The rather saucy evening was set off with waitresses in bikinis who enticed numerous lawyers with shots that were drunk from the waitresses' mouths via a test tube. The scantily-clad waitresses then proceeded to spray themselves in whipped cream, which the lawyers (you know who you are) then licked off. Sounds more like Ayia Napa than jolly banker – unless you know Cockney rhyming slang, that is.
And as this is the week of awards, Tulkinghorn felt it unfair to ignore the charming Richard Stow who is soon joining the Barclays Capital team. Stow wins first prize for best business card, with his name written on a bit of a Ritz crackers packet. Classy.