Can you keep a secret?

Some news of jolly japes among senior clerks has come to Tulkinghorn's attention. It all revolves around a fiendish plot to test the discretion of senior clerk Julian Hawes at Brick Court.

Just before Christmas, Hawes was told a tragic story by an unscrupulous clerk who asked him not to tell a soul.

The story was that the Queen Mother (Gawd bless 'er) had swallowed her last G&T and moved on to the great race course in the sky. But the Royal Family had opted not to spoil the nation's Christmas and to keep the matter quiet until the festive season was over.

Hawes, who was naturally upset about the news, could not keep the information to himself. He is believed to have returned to chambers posthaste and emailed all and sundry about the news. But Britain's favourite grandmother was in fact alive and kicking and able to watch her daughter's speech along with the rest of us. So Hawes had not only broken a confidence but had also committed treason and should be hung! Ahem, sorry, Tulkinghorn got a little carried away.

It is believed that the fiendish rogue who told Hawes is at 20 Essex Street Chambers and that our man is out for revenge. There could be a war looming in the clerking world. Watch this space for further humiliations.