It's finally been confirmed: London is the most dangerous place in the world, with Continental Europe being two to three times as safe as the Big Smoke.
Freshfields Bruckhaus Deringer's corporate social responsibility (CSR) report highlighted some thoroughly irresponsible behaviour that seems to have taken place in the firm's London office in the past year.
A total of 57 London staff reported suffering injuries in Freshfields' Fleet Street headquarters. That means, if you work at Freshfields in London, a mind-boggling one in every 37 members of staff were somehow maimed in the workplace over the past year.
Whether that figure includes paper cuts is unclear.
More worryingly, perhaps, seven members of staff (or around one in 300) were seriously mauled and contracted injuries "lasting over three days".
Whether that includes the mother of all hangovers after the office Christmas party is also unclear, alas.
Leading the way for the rest of the firm to follow, the US, Asia and the Middle East apparently did not suffer a single workplace-related accident in the whole of last year.
Whether this discrepancy is due to Londoners just being clumsy, or draconian health and safety rules, is not clear either. But Tulkinghorn always did harbour a secret admiration for Americans. He can't imagine seeing them running off home and crying to Mommy every time they trip over a bundle.